How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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