I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
