What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Quick, to the slutcave!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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