Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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