Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
