My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
