i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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