I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
