I wannas sexs uuuuu
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
