is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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