watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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