its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
