I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
