I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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