he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
