batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
