Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
