you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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