If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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