just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
