Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
