she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
