I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
