i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
