If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
