Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
