i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
