So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize