from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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