there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
