Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
