I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
