if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
