3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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