Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
