i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
