hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
