Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
