ugly people sure do ruin things
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
