a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
