Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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