I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
