I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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