just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
