I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
