Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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