I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
