does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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