I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
