If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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