HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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