I think I died a long time ago.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
