look no pants
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
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so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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