Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
