When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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