Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We need a shit load of segways right now
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
