can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
