Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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