She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
