OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
