my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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