checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
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Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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