i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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