I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
