I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
