you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
