I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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