you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
40s are totally the cure
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
