I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
