ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
