I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
